Wistfully painting a scene of "one hundred thousand smiling punters gripped by communal euphoria as Dark Side of the Moon, one of the greatest British albums ever, is performed by one of its creators during a headline slot on the Pyramid stage", Smart Gordon is nothing short of appalled that Michael Eavis turned down Gilmour's offer to play because he wanted to appeal to younger people. In opting for Jay-Z instead, Gordon says Eavis is "dangerously out of touch with a public - youngsters and all - who would have delighted in some Floyd action".
Quite how much peril Eavis is in isn't made clear. We're guessing all would be remedied if only he'd follow the advice of, say, Bizarre's Smart Gordon, who we all know is so hip it hurts, rather that trying to lure kids to Glastonbury with little more than rap music and a knackered sense of what's cool.
We're relieved to hear that all this criticism over Jay-Z daring to play a festival in Somerset hasn't got to the rapper himself. Quite the opposite, in fact. According to the Mirror's 3am team, who've spoken to a "source", his Glastonbury plans include "a top-of-the-range chopper to fly him in with champagne and the works". Those "works" are said to include "pre-Glasto parties for which he has ordered in £300 bottles of celeb champagne Armand de Brignac".
If this all sounds a little excessive to those whose greatest wish at Glastonbury is to have a decent pair of wellies, 3am suggests it's all part of a policy. "After hearing Tom Cruise and Will Smith laid it on at David Beckham's Welcome to America party last year, he wants a piece of the action," their source is quoted as saying. Which is odd, as 1) Jay isn't moving to England like Becks was to the US and 2) he seems to be throwing the parties for himself. Still, at least you know what to expect from a party for yourself.
Kim Dawson of Kim Dawson's Playlist has been catching up with indie-pop duo the Ting Tings, who haven't forgotten their humble origins just because they've scored a No 1 single. The pair admit to Kim Dawson of Kim Dawson's Playlist that they used to be "pretty ropey" when they played live and that singer Katie White couldn't even play guitar properly. It's all different now though, of course.
And if you need more proof, consider this: the Ting Tings have even got their song Shut Up and Let Me Go on an iTunes advert. You know, the one that goes "I want something UNIGNORABLE!" They didn't do it for the cash though, oh no. It's because the women in the ad fall about much like White. "She only has to walk into a room and she can smash 14 pints on the floor with her bag. It's so cute," says band mate Jules de Martino. Try lifting all that hair out your face, Katie. It may be a hot look, but it's also a darn sight easier to navigate your way round pub tables with fringe-free vision.
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